We are all searching for something.
What am I searching for? This is the question. We are all searching. We are all seekers. We can never say, "Ahah! Now I’ve found it…" or "Now my journey is over." And the search is the beautiful part of it. I (and some of my friends) often laugh whenever we hear the cliched saying, "It’s not about the destination – it’s about the journey." But…that IS what it is all about. It’s not all about graduating from college…it’s about the life-changing formation that takes place during it. Sure, graduation is nice, but it is really all about the experiences leading up to it. It’s not all about the day when you sign the papers and "officially" become man and wife…but it is really about the love, the hurt, the crying, the laughing and all the memories before and after the wedding that is the life-forming stuff that life is about. It’s not all about getting into heaven, but rather, it is about how we live our lives right now – in this life – the one we’ve been given, the only one we’ll have…this life, this life to live into God’s radical and ridiculous promises…
So it’s about the journey. Good. Glad we’ve gotten that cleared up.
So I feel like I’m searching…I’m searching for much. I’m searching for who I am: socially (am I *really* an introvert…because every now and then the extrovert inside of me comes out, and I like him), politically (I can’t stand Bush…but was Kerry that much better of a choice…what do my Mennonite roots tell me about faith and politics), spiritually (hell no, I don’t do ‘daily quiet times or devotionals’ — but, how do I connect with my Creator), theologically (what does being a progressive Christian in the 21st century really look like), physically (I know I want to eat healthy, work out, but why…so I can look good for myself, or is it for others…) and in many other ways.
I’m searching for my calling…what is it? Am I really called to campus ministry or being a chaplain on a college campus – or is that just what sounds "fun" and "cool" right now. And when will I know more…
I’m searching for what this blog should look like…I like the fact that it is so random and has funny stuff, controversial stuff, theological stuff, emergent stuff, etc. But what is my true desire for this blog? Is it simply to network? To make connections? To ‘be known’? To share thoughts? To facilitate dialogue…I know it’s been a little blah this past week – and I haven’t really known what direction to take it. I’m inspired by bloggers who post good stuff and I feel like I’m just putting some "blah" stuff online some times…where is this blog going to head…?
Last semester I keep saying "yes" to more and more little projects, which now seem to not be so ‘little’ and they’re all beginning to suck up more and more of my time…why did I keep saying ‘yes’? Was I searching for something to fill something? Was I looking for validation by professors here and wanting to get in my fair share of schmoozing…? I don’t know. All I know is that from now on, I’m going to say ‘no’ at times, and be okay with that…
I love the searching. I love the process. I love the journey. It can be irritating at times, but I love the pleasant surprises along the journey, where suddenly you find yourself in a place in life, and things sort of feel like they’ve just "clicked" and you think to yourself, "Yah…yah. Now this is right…this makes sense to me." It is there that I now find myself: amidst the craziness amidst the chaos: and looking for God in that. That is what our spiritual director for our group always asks, "And where is God in that?" And that really is the question – to be in a place, in a spirit, in a consciousness in our lives where we can live them with that question on our lips at every moment…where is God in this?
We are all searching for something…what are you searching for?