I’ve been reading some books for fun recently – don’t ask me how I’ve had the time to do this (well, you could ask me, and I would tell you that I’ve been reading them as I use the bathroom, but…everyone doesn’t need to know that, so…). First I finished James Nelson’s Body Theology and then went on to Marie Fortune’s book on sexual ethics, Love Does No Harm. I’ve been able to incorporate both of these books into a paper that I’m writing that I’ll post later this week.
However, it’s been very interesting to think about some of these issues: the body, sexuality, sexual ethics, etc. During BGLASS Week, Michael Adee did a workshop on sexual ethics, based primarily off of Marie Fortune’s book, Love Does No Harm. We talked a lot about how sex and sexuality was talked about (or more likely wasn’t talked about) in our youth groups growing up. There were some youth groups who actually had pretty honest conversations about sex. One thing that was very telling was when Adee asked people what they “wished” they had learned in youth group. One person said, “That your life doesn’t end after sex.” Another said how a youth pastor he knew had given a talk called “The Idolatry of Abstinence” and how parents didn’t really like that talk too much (surprise, surprise). But I thought those were interesting points – the way the church (or most of it anyway) has portrayed what happens after sex is that your life is over; there is nothing more to live for – once you’ve lost your virginity, well…shit, what else is there? Like the youth pastor’s talk, most of the conservative/evangelical church has made an idol out of abstinence, making rule-based relationships the focus of any talks about sexuality, and abstinence the end-all goal of all youth ministry.
In Fortune’s book, she lays out five guidelines for sexual ethics that I want to leave you with. While Fortune herself is an ordained United Church of Christ pastor, her audience is not specifically Christian, but she believes these guidelines would be put to good use in Christian circles as well. The guidelines are below:
5 Guidelines for Sexual Ethics
- Peer Relationship: Is my choice of intimate partner a peer, i.e. someone whose power is relatively equal to mine? We must limit our sexual interactions to our peers. Some people are off limits for our sexual interests.
- Authentic Consent: Are both my partner and I authentically consenting to our sexual interaction? Both of us must have information, awareness, equal power and the option to say “no” without being punished, as well as the option to say “yes.”
- Stewardship of my Sexuality: Do I take responsibility for protecting myself and my partner against sexually transmitted diseases and to insure reproductive choice? This is a question of stewardship (the wise care for and management of the gift of sexuality) and anticipating the literal consequences of our actions. Taking this responsibility seriously presupposes a relationship: knowing someone over time and sharing a history in which trust can develop.
- Sharing of Pleasure: Am I committed to sharing sexual pleasure and intimacy in my relationships? My concern should be both for my own needs and those of my partner.
- Faithfulness: Am I faithful to my promises and commitments? Whatever the nature of a
commitment to one’s partner and whatever the duration of that commitment, fidelity requires honesty and the keeping of promises.
Change in an individual may require a change in the commitment which hopefully can be achieved through open and honest communication.
Thoughts?